Wandering storyteller

WARNING BORDERLINE TMI: It was 3 am. This is my normal wake up call imposed upon me by my affliction. Hereafteand by all other accounts I seem to be in better than average condition. Oh sure I'm a little chubby bt not to biger than all outdoors.

We were in Florida. Our annual trip the last week fo the year. Expecting to avoid the snow and cold for a tiny bit. Our Apartment had zero night lights. I quietly slipped out of bed, with practiced efficiency and padded bare footed to the bathroom. Navigating by memory, sans lights. This particular bathroom is just under basketball half court in size. Perhaps that is a tiny exaggeration. STanding in the dark doorway, I "reckoned the location of the toilet to be at 2 o'clock. The tub was at 12:30 to 1:00. And the Shower was at 10 o'clock. Remember no lights. But I do remember tha the toilet is enveloped by a tiled wall on both sides. I advance.

Arms extended like a blind man. Because I truly was at that moment. Swaying gently left and right for the wall. Eventually, my left hand on westward Right to Left sweep backhanded the wall. I knew I had found the target. I prepared to sit. Why sit you ask? Two reasons. Because my wife has me well trained. and I didn't want her to wake up from her sweet dreams to the sound of an equine relieving themself in our toilet. My goal was to allow her to keep sleeping.

I prepared myself for landing. I was ready to accquire my seat. Not a flicker of light anywhere. So with things at my ankles. I gingerly backed up until I felt porcelin on my calves. "Houston, we are preparing for landing." I began to assume the position. In spite of any caution, light present or not. There comes a point of commitment. Whereby caution must surrender to gravity. And given the appropriate circumstances, most have no concern at all about plopping down on the seat.

I plopped onto thin air and then the bottom of the tub. And that noise did wake up Sleeping Beauty. Instantly lights were turned on to reveal me with my soles pointing at the ceiling and the rest of my body squished into the width of the tub. She was very concerned for my safely and attempted to pull me ferom the tub. But I outweight her by over a hundred pounds. Between my laughter and her excalamations, I did get out, unscathed. As a younger man, I had often thought "How does anyone fall in the tub?" I honestly don't know how a person could fall in the tub. But I can tell you one way for certain. Just try to be a romantic guy and find you way in the dark. Silly. Turn on the light.

Blesssings.

Buck